Why do you smile for Pictures?

I don’t smile for pictures. I don’t believe in it. Not those artificial smiles at least.. You can smile for a picture, sure, but only if it’s genuine. Otherwise, frankly, I see no point in it. Why is this a thing we do? For what reason? Who started this?! What a horrible thing to do! Lie to the camera! Fake an emotion! You can always tell when the smiles are forced, too. I go into a person’s house, look at their walls, or visit their social media page, scroll through. There it is again.. that ROBOTIC, TOOTHY grin fixed below those LIFELESS eyes. It brings me such PAIN! It makes me think, Who did this to you? What are you doing here?! What were you doing before you were CRUELLY interrupted and forced into taking this photo? Would you rather not be here? Would you ALSO rather to be at home reading manga? I hate it. I don’t like it. It makes me sick, so I don’t do it. You don’t WANT to smile. This emotion is not REAL. Why. Are. You. LYING TO ME?! Over the years, I’ve come to realize that this controversial way of thinking is the origin for most of my social awkwardness. Social interaction, as I’ve come to realize, is a series of performances, lies and learnt behaviour and quite frankly, it makes me sick. All these little deceptions form the very foundations of how we relate to each other, so it really makes me wonder, Am I wrong in thinking there’s something a little strange about that?

For better or worse (probably for worse), it might have actually been Curb Your Enthusiasm that made me understand the anatomy of social interaction.. and why I hate it. Larry's character's unapologetic rejection of social cues exposes how fragile (and often ridiculous) most of these small, unwritten rules usually are. Then again, there are also the cases where he's wrong and we see why these rules exist, in the first place, but what I find interesting isn't so much how necessary or ridiculous the specific rules are, but rather our instinctual need to conform to them without giving them a second thought. Constantly, we are all playing characters, conforming to a plethora of unwritten rules and social cues in place to help us relate to each other smoothly. Deviation from said rules breaks the flow, resulting in awkwardness. Think about it. You have many different characters that you play depending on who you’re around. Your characters play a different role in each person’s life, and even if you aren’t conscious of it, you play the part.

You’re in a friend group. You’re the loudest, most talkative one: you’re the leader. You call the shots, everyone listens to you. You make the best jokes. Life’s good. But. When it’s just you and ONE other friend, now the dynamic changes. You get a bit softer. You listen to the other person. Maybe the other person’s smarter than you. May not speak as much as you do or as loud, but you know they’re just as smart as you are if not smarter. You have intelligent conversation and even learn a bit. Nice. Then ANOTHER member of the friend group pulls up, and the dynamic changes yet again. You’re the leader again. And the person you were just engaged in stimulating conversation with has resumed the role of the joke character. Once again, you call the shots. Everyone listens to you. Make fun of the joke character for a bit. You and the sidekick have a good laugh. Everything is groovy. Then you go home from school or work. Hop on your bus or your taxi. Or walk. Now you’re not the leader, joke character or whatever. Now, you’re a background character. A nameless extra. The roles keep changing on and on as we live through life and interact with each other. Little dynamics and social hierarchies changing our whole identities. And we play the roles quite well.

These dynamics are learned, though. You don’t come out the womb playing all these different roles. Different circumstances, different settings, all these things have their little unwritten rules and norms that we’ve collectively chosen to follow. It’s someone’s birthday, you’d better be nice to them (but all other days, you can treat them like trash). You’re around your friends, speak informally. You’re around your elders, be polite. Smile for the camera. When meeting people we have those little niceties. “How are you?” Nice to meet you?” “Pleasure speaking with you.” You know, the lies. You don’t care about this person. It wasn’t nice to meet them, either. You were just looking for the restroom while your business associate disturbed you to introduce you to this guy. By the way, it most definitely was NOT a pleasure talking to them, either. Still, you know you must say these things because they are the THINGS to say. Be courteous. Okay. Even if you must lie to people’s faces. Don’t get me wrong, though. I know why all these things exist. We do need these little rules and cues to help us relate to each other better. (Plus it’s always good to be nice to people and treat them with respect, whether you do like them or not). Life is so strange and abstract, but these agreed things make the experience a bit easier on our minds. Where I take issue, however, is that all these little fabricated rules have been so engrained into our brains that we tend to see them at face value and perform without thinking. We conform. Our brains have become a bit too comfortable with the concept of ‘normal’. A concept which really and truly, does not exist.

I hate the word, ‘weird’. I hate it so much. I wish it didn’t exist. If the word, ‘weird’ had a face, I’d punch it. I’d love it if we could all collectively decide to throw it of our vocabulary. The word, ‘weird’, is basically used to describe anything that deviates from the norm, often in a jarring way, so it has a negative connotation. The thing is, though, for ‘weird’ to exist, ‘normal’ would have to, first. The concept of ‘normal’ is a relative set of conditions that are generally agreed upon by a collective. So, there is no inherent ‘normal’. What’s normal in my house may not be normal in your house. What’s normal in my country may not be normal in your country. These things are all different because WE are all different. Life is, in actuality, quite random and abstract. As I suggested before, I think the whole reason why we’ve come up with the concept of normalcy in the first place is for our own sanity. Which is very reasonable. The absurdity of life can be more than a bit much on the human mind. What I take issue with, however, is that this manner of thinking (or rather, non-thinking) can make us forget about the relativity of what we perceive as normal. And some would go on to say, the subjectivity of reality, itself. (It also makes us more susceptible to becoming mindless drones.. but maybe that’s a conversation for another day.) This can make us quite jarred by the things that deviate from our ideas of ‘normal’. It can even feel like an attack on our brains, so the only way the brain rationalizes this foreign attack (besides, of course, seeking to understand it) is to write it off as a DEVIATION from the norm: ‘weird.’ This kind of thinking puts your mind in a box that cannot tolerate things that challenge it. I think this kind of thinking is the origin of most forms of discrimination and bias. I think this kind of thinking is very troubling when you actually look at some of the things that we’ve normalized and engrained into our culture. I think a lot of these little norms, these little unwritten rules, these little ways we interact with each other are what propagate a lot of the problems we face daily.

I’ve found myself having developed a kind of fondness for the gaps. The intervals. The spaces in between conversation. Those awkward silences. I love that. They’re painful, but I love that. I feel like these little silences are the only times we truly tell each other the truth. It’s when we aren’t carefully calculating little lies to tell each other. I think that might actually be why the silences are so painful. Because we’re so used to the lies. The characters. The Dance. It’s those points when something goes off script. You forget a line or messed it up. There’s been a riff in the social atmosphere. “WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!” Even the small things: the folds in the clothing, the wrinkles, the uncombed hair, the misstep, a mosquito attack that results in a joint panic, these are the only times we’re truly honest with each other, aren’t they? These are the only times we don’t lie. These are the only times we’re truly human. No one’s hurt. You may feel awkward, but no one’s hurt. In fact, the awkwardness only exists because you’ve been conditioned into thinking “we must do this, we must do that, this is what is said, this is what is done.. this is what is normal.” The lies..

I think we need to rethink our ideas of ‘normal’ and ‘not normal,’ and I think it all starts with asking why we view these things this way in the first place. You’d be surprised just how much your perception of the world and even yourself can change just by asking ‘why.’ When you stop mindlessly conforming to the things around you, that’s when you start to understand. You become more sincere. You actually become an individual. An actual person with a soul. So, now I must ask you, Why do you smile for pictures? Is it because you’re genuinely happy? Do you TRULY feel so driven by emotion, that your face CONTORTS to reflect it? Or is it because that’s the thing to do? *the ‘normal’ thing to do. I don’t smile for pictures. I don’t believe in it. I do not believe in wearing artificial emotions just because that’s the socially acceptable thing to do. I do not believe in the lies. Perhaps that makes me ‘weird.’ Or maybe everyone else is weird.. Whatever that means..